Hi! Original Bad Boy on the case, cover your face
Came in the place, blowed, and sprayed Puffy with mace
I laced the weed with insect repellent, better check to smell it
Eminem starts with E, better check the spellin’
With a capital, somebody grab me a Snapple
I got an aspirin capsule trapped in my Adam’s apple
Somebody dropped me on my head, and I’m for sure
That my mother did it, but the bitch won’t admit it was her
I slit her stomach open with a scalpel when she was six months
And said “I’m ready now, bitch! Ain’t you feelin’ these kicks, cunt?”
The world ain’t ready for me yet, I can tell
I’ll probably have a cell next to the furnace in Hell
I’m sicker than sperm cells with syphilis germs
And I’m hotter than my dick is when I piss and it burns
I kick you in the tummy until you sick to your stomach
And vomit so much blood that your clothes stick to you from it
Hit you in the head with a brick ’til you plummet
If y’all don’t like me, you can suck my dick ’til you numb it
And all that gibberish you was spittin’, you need to kill it
‘Cause your style is like dying in my sleep; I don’t feel it

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills, and a mini thin
Is fuckin’ crazy – you hear me? Huh?
Is fuckin’ crazy – hello, hi!
‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills and a mini thin
Is fuckin’ crazy – do you hear me? Is fuckin’ crazy

I’m ice-grillin’ you, starin’ you down with a gremlin grin
I’m Eminem, you’re a fag in a women’s gym
I’m Slim, the Shady is really a fake alias
To save me with in case I get chased by space aliens
A brainiac, with a cranium packed
Full of more uranium than a maniac Saudi Arabian
A highly combustible head
Spasmatic, strapped to a Craftmatic adjustable bed
Laid up in the hospital in critical condition
I flat-lined, jumped up, and ran from the mortician
High speed, IV full of Thai weed
Lookin’ Chinese with my knees stuck together like Siamese
Twins, joined at the groin like lesbians
Uh, pins and needles, hypodermic needles and pins
I hope God forgives me for my sins
It probably all depends on if I keep on killin’ my girlfriends

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills, and a mini thin
Is fuckin’ crazy – you hear me? Ha?
Is fuckin’ crazy – listen
‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills and a mini thin
Is fuckin’ crazy – do you hear me? Is fuckin’ crazy

Last night I O.D.’d on rush, mushrooms and dust
And got rushed to the hospital to get my system flushed
(Shucks!) I’m an alcoholic, and that’s all I can say
I call in at work, ’cause all I do is frolic and play
I swallow grenades, and take about a bottle a day
Of Tylenol 3, and talk about how violent I’ll be (RRARRRRH)
Give me eleven Excedrin, my head’ll spin
Medicine’ll get me revvin’ like a 747 jet engine
Scratched my balls ’til I shred the skin
“Doctor, check this rash! Look how red it’s been!”
“It’s probably AIDS!” “Forget it then.”
I strike a still pose and hit you with some ill flows
That don’t even make sense, like dykes using dildos
So reach in your billfolds for ten ducats
And pick up this Slim Shady shit that’s on Rawkus
“Somethin’, somethin’, somethin’, somethin’, I get weeded.”
My daughter scribbled over that rhyme, I couldn’t read it

‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills, and a mini thin
Is fuckin’ crazy – you hear me? Ha?
Is fuckin’ crazy – hello?!
‘Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
For twenty grand, a bottle of pain pills and a mini thin
Is fuckin’ crazy – do you hear me? Is fuckin’ crazy

Hi, something’s not right
I’m sorry, I’m mentally retarded
Slim Shady, I think that’s my name
Rawkus Records, fuckin’ crazy
Do you hear us? We’re fuckin’ crazy!
All of us! Hi… bye… goodnight, somethin’