I reckon you ain’t familiar with these here parts
You know, there’s a story behind that there saloon
20 years ago, two outlaws took this whole town over
Sheriffs couldn’t stop ’em
Quickest damn gun-slingers I’ve ever seen
Got murdered in cold-blood
That old saloon there was their little home away from home
They say the ghosts of Bad and Evil still live in that tavern
And on a quiet night, you can still hear
The footsteps of Slim Shady and Royce Da 5’9″

I don’t speak, I float in the air, wrapped in a sheet
I’m not a real person, I’m a ghost trapped in a beat
I translate when my voice is read through a seismograph
And the noise is spread
Picked up and transmitted through Royce’s head (Uh)
Trap him in his room, possess him and hoist his bed
‘Til the evilness flows through his blood like poisonous lead
Told him each one of his boys is dead (Oh)
I asked him to come to the dark side
He made a choice and said (Yo)
Who hard? Yo, I done heard worse
We can get in two cars and accelerate at each other
To see which one’ll swerve first
Two blind bandits panic, whose mental capacity
Holds that of a globe on top of nine other planets
Kissed the cheek of the Devil, intelligence level
Is hellier than treble peakin’ on speakers in the ghetto
Dismissal, I’m not a fair man, disgraced the race of an atheist
Interceptin’ missiles with my bare hands like a patriot
One track sliced without swords, I buried the Christ corpse
In my past life, when the black knight mounted the white horse
And stay over-worked, it’s like the Nazis and the Nation
Collaboratin’, attemptin’ to take over the Earth

‘Cause this is what happens when Bad meets Evil
We hit the trees ’til we look like Vietnamese people
He’s Evil, and I’m Bad like Steve Seagal
Above the law ’cause I don’t agree with police either
Shit, me neither

We ain’t eager to be legal
So please leave me with the keys to your Jeep Eagle
I breathe ether in three lethal amounts
While I stab myself in the knee with a diseased needle (Ah)
Releasin’ rage on anybody in squeezin’ range
Cold enough to make the seasons change into freezin’ rain
(He’s insane) No I’m not, I just want to shoot up
And I’m pissed off, ’cause I can’t find a decent vein
The disaster with dreads, I’m bad enough to commit suicide
And survive long enough to kill my soul after I’m dead
When in danger, it’s funny, actually my flavor’s similar to a waiter
‘Cause I serve any stranger with money
I spray a hundred, man, until they joint chains
While slippin’ bullets at point-blank range like they was punches
Piss on a flag and burn it, murder you then come to your funeral
Service lobby and strangle your body to confirm it
Whippin’ human ass, throwin’ blows, crackin’ jaws
With my fists wrapped in gauze, dipped in glue and glass
I’m blazin’ MCs, at the same time amazin’ MCs
Somehow, MCs ain’t that eyebrow-raisin’ to me
From all of angles of us, flash a MAC loud enough
To cast a avalanche and bust ’til volcanoes erupt

Hello? (Billy?)
Ayo, what’s up? (We’re comin’ to get you)
Stop, they know it’s us

I used to be a loudmouth, remember me? (Uh-uh)
I’m the one who burned your house down (Oh)
Well, I’m out now (Shit)
And this time, I’m comin’ back to blow your house up
And I ain’t gon’ leave you with a window to jump out of
Give me two fat tabs and three shrooms
And you won’t see me, like fat people in steam rooms
And when I go to hell and I’m gettin’ ready to leave
I’ma put air in a bag and charge people to breathe

‘Cause this is what happens when Bad meets Evil
And we hit the trees ’til we look like Vietnamese people
He’s Evil, and I’m Bad like Steve Seagal
Against peaceful, see you in Hell for the sequel
(We’ll be waiting) See you in Hell (Uh-huh)
Wall Street (Yup), Royce Da 5’9″, Slim Shady (Uh)
See you in Hell for the sequel (Bye-bye)
Bad Meets Evil, what? (Until next time)

And so, that’s the story of when Bad meets Evil
Two of the most wanted individuals in the county
Made Jesse James and Billy the Kid look like law-abiding citizens
It’s too bad they had to go out the way they did
Got shot in the back comin’ out of that old saloon
But their spirits still live on ’til this day
Shh, wait, did y’all hear that?