Yo, mic-check (My dick)
Testing, one, two, fuck (My dick)
My nuts

My attitude is worse than N.W.A.’s was
I’ll battle you over stupid shit
And diss people who ain’t have shit to do with it
Like Cool J does (My tattoo)
You see me standin’ outside of your buildin’
Screamin’, “Puffy is good, but Slim Shady is for the children”
I look at my life in a new light
Fuck it, give me two mics
I write songs for me, fuck what you like
You probably hear me rap half-hearted
‘Cause I don’t like rap anyway
I’m just tryna get my porno career started (Oh, hell yeah)
Every place and event, been there, done that
Shit, Dre stuck me in a suitcase when he went
Want a deal? Study these five chapters
Lesson 1, throw demos as hard as you can at signed rappers
Lesson 2, face ’em and diss ’em (What up, dawg?)
Don’t give ’em a demo, kidnap ’em
(Come on, you’re comin’ with me, motherfucker, check this out)
And make ’em come to your basement and listen
Lesson 3, get a job at a label
Switch demos with Canibus and put yours on the owner’s table
(Here, listen)
Lesson 4, know you heard this before
“Hey, let me get your number, I’ll call you tomorrow for sure”
Don’t act like a fan, you wanna get signed
Get the whitest A&R you can find
Pull him aside and rap as wack as you can (Hey dude, come here)
Lesson 5, get a hook-up at Jive
Dress up like I.C.P. and have them come see you perform live
And that’s the key, but when you see me on the street
I ain’t givin’ you shit, bitch, don’t even bother askin’ me
Toilet water splashes me right in the ass when I’m spittin’
‘Cause I’m always shittin’ when I’m rappin’, like Master P (Ugh)
Got a blowjob from Paula Jones and stuffed it so far in her mouth
My balls broke both of her collarbones
Told Mya this shit was all about me-ah
Gave Alyssa Milano syphilis, mono and gonorrhea
And all three of my main girls said, “See ya”
‘Cause Brandy and Monica walked in
And caught me fuckin’ Aaliyah
I splish-splash while I’m takin’ a bath
Grab a handful of pills, break ’em in half, take ’em and laugh
White trash, fuckin’ your wife in the ass
While you’re out siphonin’ gas
For your lawn mower to cut the grass

So if I hurt your self-esteem and you get dissed too bad
(Yo, why you diss me?)
You know I just be sayin’ that to get you mad
And when I rap about a bunch of shit you wished you had
(A big dick)
You know I just be sayin’ that to get you mad
I can’t listen to that song, that shit’s too sad
You know I just be sayin’ that to get you mad
He’ll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad (Nurse, nurse)
You know I just be sayin’ that to get you mad

What a wonderful day, I should go outside and play
Ain’t no need to sit inside the house and hibernate
Hi, Renée (Oh, hi)
I was just about to toss a live grenade
In your driveway and drive away (What?)
Are you afraid of a blade made of a razor with AIDS?
Blood drippin’ from it
Rippin’ your stomach like a paper mâché
You talk a lot of shit, but you was never ill, though
I’m sick enough to beat you to death with a feather pillow
Tipped over some cows, just for a joke and a laugh
Jumped up, choked a giraffe
Snapped his neck and broke it in half
Wagin’ wars, went on stage
And sprayed Cage with Agent Orange
And wiped my ass with his page in Source (Here)
The demon is here, I’m steamin’ this year
I rip [?] voice box out and scream in his ear
It’s not a gimmick, bitch, it’s an image, I live it
Give a fuck? I don’t know what a fuck is to give it
“Yeah, I don’t think this guy is well”
I’m high as hell, I’ll beat you with a live cat
When I’m swingin’ him by his tail
I’ll fuckin’, I’ll fuckin’, lay your nuts on the dresser
Just your nutsack by itself
And bang them shits with a spiked bat
Cut your neck off, then sew your head right back
And leave you like that
You just triggered a prick who just mixed liquor
Who’s itchin’ to leave you disfigured
And stiffer than Christopher Reeves
I was dealing with strep throat
While your mother was breastfeeding
And gave her the flesh-eating disease
I’m iller than takin’ a hammer and beating your knees
And walkin’ through South Central L.A., bleeding in jeans
(Am I a Blood or a Crip?)
Wakin’ up the next day in breathing machines
Flashin’ back to bein’ shot and repeating the scenes
On how you just got smoked, and if you do live
You’ll be too scared to tell it, like a Biggie and Pac joke

So if I hurt your self-esteem and you get dissed too bad
You know I just be sayin’ that to get you mad
And when I rap about a bunch of shit you wished you had
You know I just be sayin’ that to get you mad
I can’t listen to that song, that shit’s too sad
You know I just be sayin’ that to get you mad
He’ll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad
You know I just be sayin’ that to get you mad

I know that makes you real mad, don’t it? (Uh-huh)
That’s right, Slim Shady (Yup)
Sway and Tech, sprayin’ wreck (Bitch)
And we don’t give a heck (Uh-uh)
Or a damn or a fuck or a shit
So suck my motherfuckin’ dick
The Wake Up Show, let me tell you what it mean to me
It mean hard beats, hard rhymes, B-boys
Hip-hop, baby, all the way, forever